


close enough

by pugglemuggle



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!
Genre: College, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, Holding Hands, M/M, Oblivious, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-06-22 02:46:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15571989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pugglemuggle/pseuds/pugglemuggle
Summary: Abe is the last person to find out that he and Mihashi are dating.





	close enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mighty_Panthers37](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mighty_Panthers37/gifts).



> This story was brought to you in part by: Hans Christian Andersen. His gravestead is a pretty dope park, and my edgy ass spent several hours there channeling his creative energy to churn out this fanfic.

There’s a story that a guest speaker told a few years ago when Takaya was a first year. “Imagine you grew up in a country up north with high elevation and a cold climate,” the story began. “You’ve never seen a mosquito.”

 

The speaker then described a research project on mosquitos this fictional version of you completed in middle school. You researched mosquitoes’ feeding habits, the environments they preferred, what their bites looked like and felt like. You’ve never actually experienced any of these bites before, but you’ve seen more images on Google than anyone ever needs to see. You present this big paper to your class at the end of the school year.

 

“Now,” the speaker prompted, “imagine you go on a foreign exchange trip a few years later in high school.” The country you go to is much warmer, more temperate, closer to the equator. You go hang out near a river one day, and you come back with all these itchy bumps on your legs and arms, and you start to freak out. This has never happened to you before. Did you touch something poisonous? Is this an allergic reaction?

 

Your host sibling takes one look at you and says, “The mosquitoes really ate you alive, didn’t they?”

 

And everything comes flooding back.

 

The idea of the story was to teach them about the importance of collaboration and teamwork, because everyone’s experiences are different. Fictional You knew everything there was to know about mosquitoes, but couldn’t make use of any of that research without the experiential knowledge of a friend. Diversity is important, etc. etc.

 

There’s more to the story though, Takaya thinks. The story is also about the barrier between theoretical knowledge and lived experiences. Even if you know everything there is to know about something, even if people have told you what it feels like, even if you’ve seen it unfolding for other people and watched it on TV and read it in books—even then, you might not be able to recognize that  _ something _ when it happens to you. You could be the world’s leading expert and still remain oblivious.

 

And this is why, Takaya thinks, despite his classmates’ numerous relationships, the popularity of Hollywood movies, the pervasiveness of shoujo manga, and 18 years of witnessing his parents’ stable affection, it took Takaya longer the when anyone else to realize that he and Mihashi were dating.

 

—

 

“Takaya…” Mihashi says as Takaya unlocks his bike from the school bike rack after practice. It’s January, and even though practice didn’t run late today, the sun is already dipping low on the horizon, casting long shadows across the cold pavement. 

 

There’s a voice in Takaya’s head reminding him that soon, it’ll be spring, and the school year will be over, and they don’t have many of these after-practice bike rides left, but he pushes away the thought and finishes stowing his bike lock. “What is it, Mihashi?”

 

“On the way home… maybe…”

 

“Meat buns?”

 

Mihashi nods.

 

“Sure. I think it’s my turn to pay, though. Since you paid last time.”

 

Mihashi nods again. “And then maybe—um.” He hesitates, then props his bike against the rack, brings his hands in front of him, and moves his thumbs to mime a game controller.

 

“At your house?” Takaya clarifies.

 

“Mhm.”

 

“We have a math exam tomorrow. If we hang out, we should study.”

 

And in their first year, Mihashi would have given in right away even though studying and math are two of his least favorite things. He would have looked down, opened and closed his mouth, and nodded more times than he needed to. Now, though, he does none of those things. Instead, he frowns, and his eyes flick up just long enough for Takaya to catch him doing it. 

 

“Did you just roll your eyes at me, Mihashi Ren?” he asks. Mihashi just shakes his head, even though he  _ definitely did.  _ Takaya chuckles despite himself.

 

“We really do need to study, though,” he says, trying to school his expression into something more serious. “We have to score at least okay on this one to keep our grades up enough for college. They still care about that, you know, even though we’ve already gotten in.”

 

“Yes, Abe-kun,” Mihashi says.

 

He grins. “Don’t  _ Abe-kun  _ me.”

 

Mihashi looks at him out of the corner of his eye, looks back at the road, and then says, “Yes… mom?”

 

Takaya’s jaw drops. Mihashi looks like he’s trying not to smile. A moment passes, and then Mihashi starts giggling, and soon they’re both laughing, loud and open. Mihashi’s laugh is one of Takaya’s favorite sounds—it’s high and a little breathy, and it’s rare enough that every time he hears it feels like the rush after a no-hitter.

 

He doesn’t want it to ever stop.

 

He's not sure what he'll do when they graduate.

 

—

 

“ _ Mihashi _ ,” Takaya says for the third time in a row. The classroom has long since emptied. Mihashi finally looks up from his desk, eyes wide, and Takaya sighs. He reaches out his hand, palm up. “Hand?”

 

Mihashi reaches back slowly, twining their fingers together. Mihashi’s pulse is fast, and his palm is cold. Takaya gives him a couple moments to breathe before he asks, “What’s wrong?”

 

Mihashi blinks a couple times, then whispers, “Three more.”

 

“Three more what?”

 

“Games.”

 

Oh. Three more games in the school year. Three more games until they graduate. Three more games until he and Mihashi aren’t on the same team anymore. 

 

“Yeah,” he breathes.

 

He should reassure Mihashi that even though they’ll be at different schools on different teams, and even though hanging out will take a little more active effort than just following each other home after practice, they’ll still be  _ them _ . That won’t change.

 

Except—except what if it does? Their relationship feels inextricable from the sport they play together. Pitcher and catcher: that’s what they’ve always been. Something a little different than normal friends, maybe. Something a little closer. The thought of losing that makes his chest feel hollow and dark. He squeezes Mihashi’s hand a little tighter.

 

“It’ll be fine,” he says with more assuredness than he feels. He knows Mihashi can see through it. They’re still holding hands, after all, and it’s impossible to hide anything when Mihashi can feel the truth in his heartbeat.

 

“It’ll be fine,” he says, one more time.

 

He keeps Mihashi’s hand in his as he pulls Mihashi to his feet and leads him out of the classroom. He keeps his hand in his as they wind through the school, through the hallways and out into the chilly courtyard. He keeps Mihashi’s hand in his as they go to the quiet spot in the courtyard where they have lunch, sometimes, when the world is a little too much, and he holds his hand even tighter when Mihashi’s shoulders shudder and sink, eyes blinking back tears.

 

He holds Mihashi’s hand through the tears that do eventually come, too. Neither of them is ready to let go.

 

—

 

Takaya can’t get their impending graduation off his mind. Now that Mihashi has brought up his worries about things changing—about  _ them  _ changing—it’s impossible for Takaya to ignore that he's just as scared as Mihashi is. The worries eat away at him until even his subconscious is infested.

 

He has a nightmare about it, a few days later. In the dream, he goes to morning practice and starts looking for Mihashi, but he can’t find him. He looks and looks and looks, and the panic rises and rises, and when he wakes his heart is pounding painfully in his chest and he’s sweating like it’s the ninth inning of a tied game.

 

Shit.

 

In his spare time he starts mindlessly searching the internet for something that could help keep them together—a joint university study group, a social club, a local community baseball team with casual enough practice for them to keep playing on their individual university teams. He even begins looking through university facebook pages—at housing, sublets, and roommate message boards.

 

So it’s not really a coincidence when two nights later, Takaya stumbles across an ad for a ridiculously cheap two-person room in a dorm-style apartment building twenty minutes from both their universities.

 

_ Last-minute vacancy! Cosy single room, furnished with two beds and a desk. Shared bathroom with floor. Easy access to train and bus lines.  _

 

Takaya stares. He was planning on staying in his uncle's spare room near campus during the school year, and Mihashi was planning on living at home, even though it’s an hour and a half commute both ways. Housing in the university area is expensive—usually.  _ Usually.  _

 

It’s a ridiculous idea. They’d have to move all their things, and get approval from both of their parents, and probably get part time jobs to offset the cost, even though they’d be saving a lot on transportation. It would be  _ ridiculous.  _ It’s not the kind of decision to make a month before graduation. It's not the kind of decision someone responsible like Takaya should even let himself consider. 

 

But—

 

But what if it could  _ work? _

 

He leaps out of bed and turns on the light in his room, then opens up LINE to start a video call with Mihashi. He could send him a text message, but—but he needs to see Mihashi’s face. Talk to him, the way they do, both with words and with other cues. He needs to know—

 

“Takaya?” Mihashi says, voice drowsy as his face appears on Takaya’s phone screen. Did he wake Mihashi up? He looks at the clock, and—crap. It’s past 10 PM. It’s not like Takaya to lose track of time, but...these are special circumstances.

 

“I have an idea,” Takaya says. “It would be…sort of a huge change, but  bear  with me?”

 

Mihashi gives him a small thumbs up. 

 

“I found a dorm room that’s close to both of our universities. It’s extremely inexpensive…”

 

He explains the details of the place, watching Mihashi’s eyes widen, trying to tell what he’s thinking, how he’s reacting. He hasn’t shot the idea down. He doesn’t seem anxious, but it’s hard to tell through just the video call.

 

“And we could still come home for the weekends, of course. What do you think?” Takaya asks when he finishes. “I know it’s a lot, so you don’t have to decide right away, though we should probably figure it out soon since the room won’t be open for long—”

 

“Takaya and I…” Mihashi interrupts. Takaya stops and holds his breath. “We’d live together?”

 

Takaya hesitates. “Yeah,” he says carefully.

 

Mihashi looks away at something off camera and smiles. “I like that,” he murmurs. “I want to live with you.”

 

“You do?” Takaya’s chest feels lighter than it’s ever felt before, like all the weight and anxiety that had been building up in his stomach over the last few days simply disappeared in an instant.

 

Mihashi makes an affirmative noise. “Do...do you also…?”

 

“Of course,” he says immediately. “You’re my best friend.”

 

And that must be the right thing to say, because Mihashi's face bursts into a dazzling smile that leaves Takaya breathless. Takaya swallows hard and tries to keep his heart from leaping out of his throat. 

 

When Mihashi responds, it’s not through words, but with a small, almost barely noticeable nod. It’s the same nod he gives Takaya from the mound, and Takaya knows what it means by heart. The nod means, “I understand you.” The nod means,”I trust you.” The nod means, “You’re my best friend, too.” It’s such a small, simple action, but the impact of it blooms in Takaya’s chest more sweetly than any spoken word. Takaya can feel his own face splitting into a grin, also.

 

Years later, he’ll think back on this conversation and feel glad that despite everything, Mihashi was patient. He understood where Takaya was coming from, and they were on the same page—even if it wasn’t the right page yet.

 

—

 

“So you and Ren are going to be roommates, huh?” Tajima grins, swinging into the seat next to him in the dugout. It’s their penultimate practice, and they're spending most of it making sure the team will be in  good shape without them. “That's a big step, don’tcha think?”

 

Takaya shrugs. “We've done plenty of training camps together before. Won't be that different.”

 

Tajima laughs. “Nah, it will.”

 

“Maybe,” Takaya allows, even though Tajima is right. It will be different.

 

They sit in silence, watching Mihashi practice with one of the new catchers—a first year who reminds Takaya a lot of himself. Though, he needs to be a little less hesitant in his signals. A pitcher like Mihashi absorbs underconfident energies like a sponge.

 

“You sure you guys’ll be alright?” Tajima asks suddenly. Takaya turns. Raises an eyebrow.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Just…” Tajima frowns. “You two are really close, yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“What if you get sick of each other?”

 

Takaya gives him a look.

 

“Okay, okay, probably not,” Tajima relents. “But… I don't know.” He's still frowning like there's more he wants to say. Takaya waits—he’s learned how to give people space to speak.

 

“You know how like, when people first start dating, they shouldn't move in together right away?” Taking says eventually. “But some young couples still do it anyway. And then everything goes bad, and they end up hating each other.”

 

“Mihashi and I aren't dating,” Takaya says. 

 

Tajima groans and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I know. But you're still like… you know.  _ You know. _ ”

 

“We're still what?”

 

Tajima makes a gesture that is probably supposed to be enlightening, but just leaves Takaya more confused. Tajima slumps. “Nevermind.”

 

There's several moments of silence as Takaya tries to decide whether or not to press him about it, but ultimately, the decision is taken out of his hands when Mihashi trots back to the dugout, waving slightly. “Um, Takaya, do you want…? To teach?”

 

“Sure,” he says. He gives Tajima one last look, and then joins Mihashi out on the field.

 

They only have one more of these practices left, after all. He doesn't want to spend either of them trying to figure out Tajima’s cryptic comments.

 

Doesn't stop his brain from obsessing over them later, though.

 

—

 

Mihashi is sobbing, huge tears that roll down his cheeks and drip straight into his jersey and onto the pitch. He's trying to brush them away with his fist, but it's no good. The tears keep coming and coming.

 

Takaya was fine during the game—their last game—but one look at Mihashi coming towards him across the field makes his throat constrict and his eyes burn. His legs are moving before he thinks twice about it, and he's running to meet him halfway between the pitcher’s mound and home base.

 

“Takaya,” Mihashi trembles.

 

“Mihashi,” he says back, then thinks better of it. “ _ Ren.” _

 

Ren falls into his arms, gripping him tightly over the top of his catcher’s armor, and Takaya hugs him back. His jersey starts to feel damp where Ren’s face is pressed into his shoulder. He thinks he might be crying into Ren’s jersey, too. They hold each other in the middle of the field like castaways from a sunken ship, clinging to each other in the middle of an ocean of people who disappear from mind as soon as Ren says, “Don't leave.”

 

“I won't,” Takaya promises.

 

Ren cries harder. “I...I like you so much. I don’t want—”

 

“I won’t leave. I like you too.”

 

And maybe it means something different from what it did when they were first years. Maybe their feelings are a little more complicated now. A thought comes half-formed, capturing his attention for just a moment before it disappears again. He brushes it off. 

 

Mihashi is crying in his arms. That seems more important.

 

—

 

“Um...this is the last one. My parents are in the lobby,” Ren says, setting down the box he’s carrying on the top of a stack near the door. He’s wearing a white tank top and jeans, and his brow shines with sweat from moving boxes up three flights to their new dorm. 

 

It’s a bit surreal. When Takaya looks at the room— _ their  _ room—it gives him chills to think that he and Ren will be living here together for the school year. It’s definitely nothing luxurious; the room is so small that it barely fits both their beds and the desk, and there isn’t a lot of room to move around. Still, it’s  _ theirs _ . He can imagine Ren’s books on the desk, Ren’s pillows on his bed, Ren’s old jersey hanging on the wall. Seeing Ren himself here too, looking domestic in his casual clothes, gives Takaya feelings he’s not quite sure how to parse yet. It’s a happy feeling—of that much, he’s certain. Perhaps it’s best not to overthink it too much.

 

“Also, um...Takaya,” Ren adds. “Do you want to get food? My parents offered…”

 

“Yeah. Food with your parents sounds great.”

 

He takes one more look at their room, then follows Ren out the door. He grins all the way down three flights of stairs. He can’t seem to keep the smile off his face.

 

—

 

Living with Ren quickly becomes his new normal. It feels like slipping into a familiar old routine, even though it's something he's never experienced before. Everything just feels so  _ natural _ . Ren is just a few feet away every morning when he wakes up and every night when he goes to sleep. Ren is the first and last thing he sees every day.

 

They eat dinner together most days, even if it's nothing more than walking to the convenience store a couple blocks down to grab discount bento. It's something he looks forward to after classes. He spends his day thinking about what he'll tell Ren when he gets home, about which stories Ren might find funny, about what Ren might be doing in class right now. It's more than most friends think about each other—he’ll admit that. But he and Ren are different. They've always been different.

 

He's studying in the room one afternoon during the second week of classes when he hears keys clinking outside. The door jiggles, then swings open, and standing there is Ren with his backpack and—

 

“Flowers?” Takaya asks. Ren is holding a small bouquet of white and orange lillies in his free hand. They're beautiful—fresh and lovely, the flowers’ petals freckled with burgundy spots. 

 

“For you—or, us. For moving in,” he says. 

 

They have no vase, so they set the flowers in an empty water bottle on the desk. It's not perfect, but it fits.

 

—

 

“Are you two...together?”

 

Takaya blinks and stops brushing his teeth, staring at their neighbor through the mirror in the communal bathroom. “What?”

 

“You and your, um.” The neighbor hesitates. “Nevermind. Sorry, I didn't mean to be nosy.”

 

Takaya spits out his toothpaste. “It's fine,” he says.  _ Are you two together?  _ He rinses his mouth and runs his toothbrush under the faucet.  _ Are you two together?  _ Takaya frowns at the counter, then looks up to stare back at his neighbor through the mirror.

 

“What do you mean?” Takaya asks.

 

“Sorry,” the neighbor apologizes again. “I didn't mean to assume.”

 

And then the neighbor darts out like the room caught fire. Takaya is left alone with nothing but the echo of their conversation and more questions than he can begin to answer.

 

Well. Perhaps that's not quite true.

 

He's not stupid. When his neighbor asked if they were together, he knew what he meant _ —“Are you a couple? Are you dating? Are you boyfriends?”  _ And he can understand why someone might think that. They do spend almost all their time together, and they're a little closer than most boys their age are with one another. It's just a simple misunderstanding—an understandable misunderstanding. 

 

So why is Takaya so hung up on this?

 

That's what he really needs to find an answer to. Why should he care so much? There's no reason that the relationship they have couldn't be entirely platonic, no matter how others might interpret it. He used to feel secure in this.

 

What changed?

 

—

 

That evening, when Ren comes home, Takaya is distracted momentarily by the line of Ren’s bicep through his t-shirt. Ren was never the most muscular guy on their team, but he’s fit, and he's filled out since their first year. If they were dating, is this the sort of thing Takaya would pay attention to? 

 

But there is more than one reason he might pay attention. They were teammates for years. Of course he keeps track of Ren physically.

 

The answer doesn't satisfy him.

 

—

 

If they were dating, they’d kiss, wouldn't they?

 

Takaya can't quite imagine it. He's never kissed anyone before. Would he...would he like it?

 

—

 

He can't focus in lecture. Aside from kissing, they've done everything else that couples do.  _ Would _ there be any difference? What would it mean, to be Ren’s boyfriend? For Ren to be his?

 

It would mean commitment, he supposes. They'd plan their futures together, make their choices with each other in mind. Their relationship would become a priority. And they would have a word, too: boyfriends. Something to define what they mean to each other. 

 

Is this what Takaya wants?

 

The answer comes quickly and without doubt:  _ yes. _

 

With this thought, the barrier between knowledge and experience comes crashing down. The world spins on a new axis. Every memory he has with Ren feels new to remember, like looking at art pieces redrawn years later with a more practiced hand. Every moment of uncertainty, every feeling without a name has been retroactively explained. He feels years’ worth of “Aha!”-moments at each new discovery.

 

He needs to talk to Ren.

 

—

 

“Ren,” Takaya asks. They're sitting across from each other on their beds. Takaya is shaking—with nervousness, excitement, something else, maybe. “Ren…” he says again.

 

Ren reaches out and grabs his hand. Squeezes it. Takaya squeezes back.

 

Takaya takes a breath and says the words that have been lurking unsaid for years. “I think I'm in love with you.”

 

And Ren says, with a smile, “I know.”


End file.
